{"id":3232,"date":"2016-07-11T21:01:43","date_gmt":"2016-07-11T21:01:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/feelnubia.org.uk\/?p=3232"},"modified":"2025-07-11T21:11:07","modified_gmt":"2025-07-11T21:11:07","slug":"domestic-diva-why-i-chose-family-over-a-phd-in-the-uk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/feelnubia.org.uk\/index.php\/2016\/blog-misc-and-opinions\/domestic-diva-why-i-chose-family-over-a-phd-in-the-uk\/","title":{"rendered":"Domestic Diva: Why I Chose Family Over a PhD in the UK"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"

Photo by Lisa Marie Theck @Unsplash<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Why I Took the Visa Officer\u2019s Advice\u2014and Chucked My PhD<\/h1>\n

I had been to the UK Embassy one time too many<\/em>.<\/p>\n

This time, I was there for a student visa\u2014again. I had recently walked away from a high-powered career in international development. The plan? Spend a few years focusing on family.<\/p>\n

But as an overachiever, I got restless.<\/p>\n

So I did what any self-confessed achiever might do\u2014I applied for a PhD. Why not kill time and earn a few more credentials while the kids napped and the world turned?<\/p>\n

I was ready. Admission letter? Check. Supporting documents? Check. Years of visa history? Check. I’d studied in the UK before and returned home faithfully. I was, in every way, the ideal visa applicant.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy Do You Want a PhD?\u201d<\/h2>\n

So you can imagine my shock when the visa officer looked up and asked:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy do you want a PhD?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Excuse me?<\/p>\n

I blinked, a bit thrown. \u201cTo increase my options?\u201d I replied, cautiously.<\/p>\n

What kind of question was that? I was offering my foreign currency, time, and mental bandwidth to her country’s education system. Shouldn\u2019t she be grateful?<\/p>\n

But she wasn\u2019t done.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve travelled extensively. You\u2019ve worked with two international development agencies. You already have a master\u2019s from a top UK university. So again\u2014why do you need a PhD?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I bristled.<\/p>\n

Was this some kind of backhanded compliment? A polite way of saying, You’re African. Be content.<\/em> I tried not to show it, but my smile tightened.<\/p>\n

I repeated: \u201cTo increase my options.\u201d<\/p>\n

She Didn\u2019t Believe Me<\/h2>\n

She stopped flipping through my documents and muttered:<\/p>\n

\u201cYou probably just want to live in the UK.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ouch.<\/p>\n

I straightened up. \u201cActually,\u201d I replied, \u201cI don\u2019t need to pay to live in the UK. I qualify as a highly-skilled migrant. The UK could pay me<\/em> to stay.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her look could have frozen the Thames. But my manners prevailed.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave a good day,\u201d I said, and walked out\u2014visa approved.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Cold Country, Colder Realizations<\/h2>\n

A few months in, reality hit.<\/p>\n

I was on a train, heading back to the suburbs after another long day in the library. I smiled and greeted a passenger.<\/p>\n

They looked through me like I didn\u2019t exist.<\/p>\n

I sat back and thought: What am I doing here?<\/em> My children were growing up on another continent. My husband held the fort alone. And I\u2014well, I was chasing letters after my name for reasons I could no longer explain.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, that visa officer\u2019s question made perfect sense.<\/p>\n

The Warm Embrace of Home<\/h2>\n

So I took her advice.<\/p>\n

I dropped the PhD. I pocketed what was left of my tuition. I booked a one-way flight home\u2014to the warm sun, the wide smiles, and the arms of my long-suffering, ever-loving family.<\/p>\n

I came home to a country where greetings are returned with warmth, not suspicion.<\/p>\n

That cold visa counter taught me more than any PhD thesis ever could.<\/p>\n

It asked me to reassess my values. To admit that ambition, while admirable, should never eclipse love, family, and presence.<\/p>\n

And it reminded me that success isn\u2019t always in more degrees\u2014it\u2019s in knowing when to stop chasing and start living<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Read more Domestic Diva<\/a><\/p>\n

Ovie Farraday is a wife and mother of five (including 2 teenagers and a pre-teen) living in a sub-Saharan West African suburb.\u00a0 She is married to an Architect and entrepreneur. Ovie Farraday is a pen-name.<\/sup><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Why I Took the Visa Officer\u2019s Advice\u2014and Chucked My PhD I had been to the UK Embassy one time too many. This time, I was there for a student visa\u2014again. I had recently walked away from a high-powered career in international development. The plan? Spend a few years focusing on family. But as an […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[120],"tags":[801,800,551,147,802],"class_list":["post-3232","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog-misc-and-opinions","tag-doctorate","tag-domestic","tag-home","tag-maker","tag-migration"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/feelnubia.org.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3232","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/feelnubia.org.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/feelnubia.org.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feelnubia.org.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feelnubia.org.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3232"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/feelnubia.org.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3232\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3240,"href":"https:\/\/feelnubia.org.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3232\/revisions\/3240"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/feelnubia.org.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3232"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feelnubia.org.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3232"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feelnubia.org.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3232"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}