Identity Crisis: Becoming and Redefining Life as “Just Mom”

 

Identity Crisis: When “Just Mom” Becomes Powerful

You meet someone new.
They share their name.
Then they tell you their job.

It’s human nature. We judge.
We assume career equals character.

But job does not define heart, or does it?

We Judge by Careers

We value some jobs more.
We look down on others.
We don’t know if someone hates their high-status role.
Or if someone took a job by necessity.
Yet we judge.

We Judge by Job Titles

We respect some jobs more than others.
We dismiss others as low-skilled.

We don’t care if someone hates that glamorous job.
Or took a low-paying gig out of necessity.

It’s unfair.
But it’s our instinct.

My Own Bias

I used to define myself by my job.
Job title, income, company brand—they mattered.

If a woman wasn’t working, I thought she couldn’t land a job.
I thought unmarried women were “unfinished.”

My identity hanged on career success.

And success meant title, income, brand.
Always moving. Always pushing.

Chasing Success until It Fades

I climbed fast. I got perks.
Then I felt trapped.
A bird in a golden cage.

It was never enough.
Bigger house. Faster car. Private jet. Yacht.

But while chasing “secure future,” I lost the present.

Breaking Free

I quit paid work.
My identity unraveled.
I became ‘unemployed.’
Or ‘housewife.’
Or ‘just mom.’

My daughter said:

“But mummy, you don’t stay at home.”

She was right. I didn’t.
But I had space.
Time I’d never known.

A Few Weeks of Leisure

I lived like a socialite—gym, pool, cold drinks.

Three weeks in, I was bored.
I barged into my husband’s office.
Told him, “The gym staff irritate me.”

Truth: I missed purpose.

I Took a PhD Detour

I enrolled in an Ivy League PhD.
Proud moment… for ten seconds.
Then I froze.
I was away.
My family was home. On another continent.
What was I doing?

I realized: I quit to be home.
Not to chase another goal.

The Big Decision

Four silent days followed by tears.

My husband was silent when I apologized.
I said the words I feared:

“I just want to be a mum.”

I feared the label.
But that title fit.
Speaking those words shook me.
But they set me free and fulfilled me deeply.

Embracing “Just Mom”

Now I work from home.
My priority: my kids.

I play.
I teach.
I laugh.
I answer their questions.
Play forts.
Slice socks.
Answer questions.
Build memories.

I don’t need a million-dollar project.
I shape lives.
Six wonderful souls I love.

Rediscovering Purpose and The Power of Being “Just Mom”

Yes, job offers still come.
Bank statements whisper an alluring tune.
But when someone asks me:

“What do you do for a living?”
I answer:
“Just Mom.”

And I mean it.

Final Note
Our society ties identity to job.
But we find real purpose in love, service, and faith-filled presence.

In moments.

Stepping off the treadmill made space for what matters.
Motherhood. Faith. Impact.

Sometimes, less hustle means more heart. And that’s everything.

If you’ve ever felt lost, consider stepping off that treadmill.
Because sometimes letting go of “more” lets you become exactly who you were meant to be.

ABOUT THE WRITER:

Ovie Farraday is a wife and mother of six, living in a sub-Saharan West African suburb.  She is married to an Architect and Entrepreneur. Ovie Farraday is a pen-name.

You might also enjoy: When Did they Stop Seeing Me?