‘You might be from Mars, but you live on Venus now’

Men and women are opposite and interdependent (Image by Lebensmittelfotos, Pixabay)

You Might Be from Mars, But You Live on Venus Now: How to Knock Some Emotional Sense into Your Man

In today’s world of evolving gender roles and emotional intelligence, it’s time we ditch outdated relationship advice. We need an upgrade of the emotional software in our love lives. For decades, women have been told to accommodate emotionally stunted men, spoon-feed their partners empathy, and make endless allowances for bad behavior, all in the name of “understanding the male psyche.”

But how long must we continue to excuse grown men for refusing to grow emotionally?

The Outdated Myths Holding Relationships Hostage

From gender stereotypes to absent father figures, society has handed men every excuse in the book for not showing up emotionally in their relationships. The list is long:

• “He wasn’t raised to talk about feelings.”

• “He’s under pressure to be the provider.”

• “It’s just how men are. Blame biology.”

And of course, who could forget the king of all clichés: “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.”

That phrase, popularized by John Gray’s 1992 relationship bible, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, was meant to help couples understand each other better. Instead, it built a wall between the sexes, making it seem like empathy and emotional literacy were coded into our DNA, and men simply missed out.

Are We Really That Different?

Gray’s book emphasized gender-based differences in how men and women give and receive love. One infamous example is the “points system.” Supposedly, men award big points for big gestures while women give one point for every effort, no matter the size. That’s a cute theory, until you realize that everyone keeps score. Not just women. Not just men. Humans.

Think about it.
Siblings keep score.
Co-workers keep score.
Even pets know when they’ve been shortchanged on treats.

So when it comes to relationships, pretending that only one gender notices who gives more is just dishonest.

Let’s take a closer look: If your partner forgave your affair during a vulnerable time, do you think she marked that as one point? That’s a lifetime override. A “Get Out of Jail Free Forever” card that you’ll never live down. And no, surprising her with breakfast in bed won’t balance the emotional ledger. Emotional math is complex, but it’s not exclusive to women.

Love Isn’t a Game, But There Are Rules

Before we can play the game of love, we have to agree on the rules. And too many couples jump into serious relationships without ever discussing the emotional “terms and conditions.”

Should gifting her something she explicitly asked for count the same as a surprise present she didn’t see coming but loved? Does buying flowers count as a romantic gesture if they were originally funeral blooms for Aunt Lizzy and you quietly reused them?

These are questions worth asking before someone gets hurt.

Relationships require emotional clarity. When expectations are vague, disappointments multiply. If you didn’t set the rules early, it’s never too late. Call a timeout. Sit down together. Reset the board.

Emotional Growth Is Possible for Men Too

Let’s get one thing straight: women aren’t more emotional because they’re born that way. They’re better at emotional expression because they’re taught from childhood to cry, talk, and care. They grow up living in the land of feelings. Venus, if you will.

Men, on the other hand, are trained to suppress emotions, make plans, and remain in control. They only visit Venus on rare occasions: weddings, funerals, or in a moment of vulnerability. But one day, they fall in love and decide to move there permanently. That’s when the real trouble starts.

So who teaches them how to live in this unfamiliar place?

The answer: you learn from the natives.
If men are going to thrive in emotional relationships, they need to listen, observe, and adapt. That doesn’t mean becoming someone you’re not. It means evolving into someone better, someone capable of loving with both strength and softness.

Ladies, It’s Time to Raise the Bar

Women, this message is for you, too. If you’ve never discussed expectations with your partner, now’s the time. Stop assuming he’ll read your mind. Don’t suffer in silence. Don’t let the “he’s just a man” excuse become your prison.

Remember, love is a right, but marriage is a privilege. It comes with responsibilities, and both partners need to step up.

If your man refuses to grow, learn, or engage with you emotionally, then it might be time to tell him:
“You might be from Mars, but you live on Venus now. So act like it.”

Build the Relationship You Both Deserve

A healthy relationship doesn’t rely on outdated gender manuals. It thrives on communication, empathy, and shared growth. Emotional intimacy isn’t a female domain. It’s a human need.

So to the men out there:
Don’t wait for a crisis before learning how to connect.
Your partner’s patience will not last forever.
Rethink your underestimation of the power of showing up emotionally.

And to the women:
Stop settling for emotional bare minimums.
Don’t explain away neglect as “just how men are.”
Refuse to carry the weight of the relationship alone.

Instead, demand balance. Invite transformation. And believe in the possibility of emotional evolution.

Because love isn’t about who’s from which planet, it’s about building a world together.

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